chasing rabbits stateside

OK, I guess it's time for me to grit my teeth and finally face the end of my blog. I've been back in England for almost a month and it's definately business as usual (i.e. falling asleep at my desk!). My three months in the States seems so far away and a little unreal - did it really happen? Was it really me who went to all of those amazing places ? Has it changed me ?

-Yes - I have photos to prove it.
-Yes - I was that lucky.
-Yes - In some respects.

I have never felt so happy or comfortable in my own skin as I did during my travels. People who met me met the 'real' Kate. Although I now feel a little stifled in Manchester at least I have experienced my own potential and can seek a life in which that is possible all of the time (or more realistically, most of the time). I'm much more willing to take chances, I'll go anywhere and do anything on the basis that I'm pretty certain I'll find my way 'home' (however you define 'home') when the need arises. Plus just the attitiude of 'having a bash' is a greater part of my approach to experiencing all that life has to offer. I am as capable of spending great periods of time alone as I always thought, but I'm also much more sociable than I realised.

Although I have met a number of people I have remained in touch with, and hope that continues, I surprised myself by gradually becoming much more able to deal with the fact that some people enter your life briefly - you have a fabulous time, learn from one another and then move on, and thats ok. Learning when to invest emotionally and when it's just pleasant company for a few hours has been valuable and revealing.

In life as a whole, as well as with regards to this trip I have been learning to give myself more credit for my achievements and those 3 months are something that makes me incredibly proud of myself ! Look at what I did - cool huh ?!!

There are so many people I miss, places I want to return to. As I expected it would, my trip only reinforced my desire to spend some time living in the US. In my entry on the 5th April I said:
"San Francisco, which is my spiritual home and where I’m staying for 3 weeks in attempt to pass as a ‘local’, figure out if I want to relocate there "
I might as well have had a crystal ball. I'm now trying to find a way to spend a prolonged period of time in California ( and yes, a certain Sommelier has provided me with additional enthusiasm for that, but the desire has always been there, and I'm realistic about the slimness of my chances but I'll have a damned good try).

I also developed a greater fondness for my own country - missing the landscapes, the special look and feel of areas like the Lake District. I described Manchester to so many people that I was reminded how great a city it is and how much it has to offer. I found myself being proud to be British (I have strong ties to Scotland as well as England, so although I will often say English it doesn't do full justification to the situation). I missed my friends and family throughout the trip, but I realised how comfortable I was in those relationships and how strong they are and that on my return we'd be as close as ever, and that was proven on my return. I also felt much 'European' - that was how I was viewed by many people I met, as European not just English. I liked this and now crave more time on the otherside of the Channel.

The US has come in for a lot of criticism over the last couple of years, however it would be more accurate to say the 'US Administration'. The people I have spent time with have shown me a country that is being led by individuals who have no idea what many of their people and country are about, whose brightest and most capable citizens would often give anything to leave the country and settle elsewhere. In many respects it's a country with huge problems (politics and health being just two of them), however the powers that be appear to be turning a blind eye to all except the incredibly wealthy and their own childish desire to rule the world. It makes me so angry. This is a country that is the home to some of the kindest, most generous, creative and intelligent people I have met and they are being woefully misrepresented on this side of the Atlantic by a governemnt that wouldn't understand democracy if it slapped them round the back of the head with an oversized piece of Texan beef ! Heck Schwarzenegger became governor - maybe I should stand next time around !!! However, all of that said, it doesn't stop me loving the country and wishing I could go back there tomorrow.

OK, I've been putting this off for far too long now and any ability to be poetic and put together words that will be cherished for a lifetime escape me - I'm sorry.

The time I spent travelling were the best 3 months of my life, that wouldn't have happened without the generosity of the poeple I met along the way and the support of people back home. I won't list you all, I'll be here all day, but you know who you are. Thank you SO much, all of you. I hope to hear from some of you soon and wish everybody well.

Take care of yourselves.

With much love, thanks and fond memories

Kate xxxxxxx

posted by KP @ 6:25 PM